The Way I Loved You
by LGCoffeeAddict
Summary: Addison is in a comfortable relationship with Kevin Nelson, but after their first night together, she realizes she misses "screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain." Based on Taylor Swift's song, "The Way I Loved You."
1. Chapter 1

The Way I Loved You

A **Grey's Anatomy **fic by Gigi

**Disclaimer: I really own nothing.**

Chapter 1: Kissing in the Rain

**A/N: I'm sitting here listening to Taylor Swift's "The Way I Loved You," and I just got this really cute idea for a fic. This will be only be like three chapters, but I'm excited about it. I hope you enjoy it!**

Addison lay in Officer Kevin Nelson's arms after their first night together. She was on her side, and he had his arm protectively around her waist, hugging her close to his body. Staring out her window to the beach bathed in moonlight, she smiled to herself. She was content. Kevin was sweet, and he'd been patient when she kept going on and on about her rules. Now, after she finally allowed her rules to be broken, she was happy, peaceful.

Closing her eyes, Addison drifted off to sleep in Kevin's arms.

**8D**

_It had been a particularly bad day for them. _

_Addison kept going over their fight again and again in her mind as she walked to her New York City brownstone home in the rain. Her Prada pumps clicked along the pavement, occasionally stepping in puddles and splashing some rainwater onto her Burberry trench coat. Her gloved hands gripped a black umbrella from Galleria, which kept her long, red locks protected from the moisture._

_They'd fought about his mother again. She wanted to visit them for the holidays, and all Addison could think about was how much his mother hated her since the incident at Thanksgiving. Addison insisted that she was only there to try to convince her son to leave her yet again. Of course, he wouldn't hear of it, and the argument culminated in him accusing her of looking for any excuse to get out of this marriage. She'd left the room before he could see the effect his words had on her and spent the rest of the day burying herself in her work so she wouldn't have to face her husband._

_Addison felt a drop of moisture begin to make its way down her cheek and quickly wiped it away with her free hand. No, she would _not_ cry over this anymore! She turned onto her street and began to ascend the staircase when she saw her husband sitting on the steps with his head in his hands._

_She stepped up to him and held the umbrella over the both of them. "You're soaked," she said. His mop of dark brown hair plastered itself to his forehead as he whipped his head up to look at his perfectly put-together wife. Addison was surprised to see his bright blue eyes were full of remorse. "You forgot your keys again, didn't you?" He nodded. Sighing, she handed him the umbrella and dug inside her Luca Luca purse. Suddenly she felt raindrops hitting her head, and she raised her head to see that her husband had closed the umbrella and dropped it on the step behind him. "What are you doing?" she demanded. "Now _I'm_ getting wet!"_

"_I'm sorry," he breathed, taking in the sight of the beautiful woman that was his wife. As her red hair slowly matted itself to her head, her perfectly made-up pale blue eyes stood out even more. Her lips and her cheeks became more and more pink and flushed. "I was being unreasonable. Forgive me?"_

_Addison hated it when he played that card. He was romantic and sweet and knew exactly what to say to make her forgive him, and she was powerless to stop him. A small smile crept up on her face, as she said, "You _were _being unreasonable, but I guess I can't be mad at you if you have acknowledged that you were being an ass." He smiled and wrapped his arms around her small waist. "Stop it, you're getting me wet." She tried unsuccessfully to push his arms away from her._

"_You're already soaked," he pointed out with amusement, "so why can't I do this?"_

_He leaned forward and placed a few feather kisses on the corners of her mouth, her cheeks, her chin and her nose before kissing her fully on the mouth. Addison gave up trying to salvage her appearance and gave into the kiss, draping her arms lazily around his neck._

**8D**

Addison jerked awake in bed and tried to sit up, only to be hindered by a weight around her waist. She looked down at her body and saw an arm lying across her stomach. Slowly, the details of the night returned to her and reassured her that it was, indeed, Kevin lying next to her.

Falling down onto her back once again, Addison turned her head to look at the digital clock on her bedside table. It was two o'clock in the morning. Two o'clock in the morning after she'd just had sex with Kevin for the first time, and all she could think about was a fight she had with her ex-husband years ago.

_Damn you, Derek._

Addison turned back onto her side, struggling to go back to sleep.

**8D**

_Addison had waited all day on that stupid bench with that stupid picnic basket that she'd prepared by herself. She'd sat there for three hours before finally giving up. She picked up her stupid basket and walked away from the stupid bench. She rode the stupid ferry boat back to the stupid trailer and dumped the basket in the trash._

_She took off her coat, hat, gloves and shoes and got in the shower otherwise fully dressed. Turning on the water, she faced the shower-head so the rush of water would rush away any evidence of the fact that she'd cried over that man. It's not like she should have expected anything else, not after the stupid, stupid thing she'd done._

_Getting out of the shower, she peeled off her soaked clothes and deposited them in the hamper wrapped in a towel. She donned some dry clothes and began blow-drying her hair, figuring he would show by the time she was done. She spent over an hour drying her hair, and there was no sign of him._

_Dusk had arrived, so Addison slipped on her Crocs, grabbed a clean dishtowel and made her way out onto the porch. Rain began falling, the water droplets just barely touching the tips of her shoes as she sat under the overhang, waiting for her husband to come home._

_He finally drives up in his truck and walks slowly toward her, dripping from the rain._

"_You didn't show," she declared, her voice shaky from the crying that had come and gone multiple times that day. He nodded, looking guilty. "I waited." Her voice cracked, and he looked down at his feet, unable to face his wife. "Derek, are you done?" He raised his head once more. "Hurting me back? I mean...'cause I need to know. Because if not...I gotta special order a thicker skin...or something..." she trailed off. She dropped her eyes to her hands as he sat down next to her._

_She felt his eyes on her face before he whispered, "No anesthesia this time." Addison's eyes flickered to Derek's, hope shining in them for the first time since he'd taken her back. Derek started to lean in, and he quietly said, "Here we go," before touching his lips to hers._

_The wind shifted and caused more rain to hit the couple, but for once, Addison didn't care as Derek wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer._

**8D**

Sunlight hit Addison in the face at seven o'clock in the morning that Saturday. Grumbling, she shifted and buried her face in Kevin's chest so she could live in her dream just a little bit longer. Said chest began vibrating with laughter when he felt Addison roll into him, the sound of his voice making her eyes pop open.

She had _wanted_ to keep dreaming about Derek that time. She had cuddled up to one man so she could keep dreaming about another!

What the hell was wrong with her?

**A/N: I'm pretty sure I'm only going to make this a three-chapter arc, but I don't know. My fingers hardly ever follow my brain's plans. I just have one question: how the hell does Word not recognize the word **_**Prada?**_** That just screams travesty, to me. Anyone else? REVIEW!**


	2. Screaming and Fighting

The Way I Loved You

A **Grey's Anatomy **fic by Gigi

**Disclaimer: I really own nothing.**

Chapter 2: Screaming and Fighting

**A/N: I'm glad you guys liked the first chapter! I'm horrendously procrastinating doing AP Lit stuff by writing more, so I hope you enjoy this. After this I'm DEAD.**

Addison wanted to _kill _Derek Shepherd!

It was the fifth night in a row she had dreamed about her ex-husband, and it was driving her insane. Yanking the pillow out from under her, she shoved it onto her face and screamed into it as loudly as humanly possible.

After a few minutes of scream therapy, her phone started to ring. She peeked out from underneath her pillow and looked at the clock. It was three in the morning, which could only mean one person: Richard.

Addison reached for her BlackBerry and clicked the "send" button. "Dr. Montgomery," she greeted professionally, trying to erase any grogginess from her voice.

"Addie!" Richard exclaimed, relieved to hear her voice. "Addie, you have to come to Seattle."

She was completely awake now. "What? Why?"

"It's Adele. She's got stage 2 ovarian cancer, and she's not going to let anybody but you touch her." Addison wanted to hug the man who sounded so broken to her on the phone. "I _need_ you to come back to Seattle."

"I'll be on the next plane out of LA," she declared, hanging up and bounding out of bed. She had a _lot_ of things to do, but first thing's first: book a flight.

**8D**

It was raining in Seattle. Of course.

There was a town car sitting outside Seattle Grace Hospital. It had been sitting there for the past ten minutes. Derek, Meredith, Christina, Alex, Mark, Izzie and a few others had all gathered to see who was so important that the Chief himself went out in the rain to meet the mystery person, who was so important that the Chief entered the car to speak with the mystery person.

Finally, the Chief stepped out of the car and held open the door for the other person. The designer stiletto that hit the ground gave Meredith a sinking feeling, and the men in their group's hearts started beating a little faster. A tan leg followed the stiletto, revealing a glamorous Addison Forbes Montgomery, whose knee-length dress and coat streamed behind her as she strutted down the walkway with her umbrella casually resting against her shoulder.

"Is it just me, or does she look hotter now?" Alex whispered, earning a bewildered look from Izzie.

Izzie scrutinized the way Alex watched Addison's every step, the way he tracked the movement of her lips, the swaying of her hips, and she gasped. "Something happened between you and Addison, didn't it?"

Alex's face now looked guilty as he turned his head toward his girlfriend. "A long time ago," he murmured, remembering how badly he'd treated her.

"What?" Derek's head snapped to look at the resident. "You slept with Addison?" Mark nodded, earning stares from everyone involved. "You knew?"

"I saw them," Mark answered softly, keeping his eyes trained on the woman he used to think was the love of his life, the woman he still thought may be the love of his life.

Derek glared at Alex so intensely that he began to fear a little for his safety. Returning his gaze to his ex-wife, Derek was no longer happy to see her. First Mark, then _Karev_. She really had a thing for man-whores, didn't she?

Addison stepped across the threshold of the hospital that had caused her so much pain and saw the three people who had caused her most of that pain. Alex Karev stood there, holding Izzie Stevens' hand, and acting like he hadn't crushed her last shred of hope for happiness in Seattle. Mark Sloan stared at her intensely with such emotion in his eyes that Addison could tell even from across the lobby he'd missed her. And last, but _definitely_, not least, there was Derek Christopher Shepherd, the one and only. He just seemed pissed. His jaw was clenched, and he avoided making any sort of eye contact with her.

It killed Addison to see her ex-husband _not_ look at her like that, so she reverted her attention back to Richard, who was updating her on his wife's status.

**8D**

Addison was elbow-deep in Adele's uterus when she caught the whispers of the scrub nurses in the back of the room.

"Yeah, _that's_ McDreamy's ex-wife," one nurse whispered in a high-pitched squeal.

"That's the woman who slept with McSteamy?" a more butch-sounding nurse asked.

"Which brought on the _ex_ part of _ex-_wife, yes. I heard she also slept with that resident," high-pitched girl continued to gossip.

"Karev? I heard that, too," butch girl affirmed. Addison's hands almost sliced where they were not supposed to slice. How on earth did her time with Karev get out? She only ever told Callie, and that was way after the fact. "Apparently, McSteamy caught them after the deed and told McDreamy." Addison's hands stalled just for a second. _No,_ she gasped internally, _he can't know!_ Which "he" she was talking about, she had no clue, but either way, this was catastrophic news.

"What? How was this not bigger news?"

"I think it only just got out, like when they were watching her come in," butch replied. "Nobody even knew about Karev and McHot before today."

Addison had had enough. "When you're quite done gossiping, ladies, I could use some more blood," she announced. Well, so much for shedding that _McBitch_ label she'd also acquired during her employment in Seattle.

**8D**

Sliding her scrub cap off her head, Addison pushed open the door leaving the scrub room, almost running into Derek. "Hey," she smiled, expecting at least civility in return.

Derek murmured a disgruntled "hello" and resumed walking.

Addison stood in the hallway for a few seconds in shock. He hadn't just been rude, but he'd actually been _cold_ toward her! Even during the divorce, he'd never acted so coldly—he'd been angry as hell, actually, but never so icily indifferent. Snapping out of her daze, she started to chase after him. "What, I don't even get a proper greeting anymore?" she called after him. Derek turned around, walking backwards for a few steps while he looked at her like he wanted to laugh at the irony of her words before resuming his march down the hall. He made it to the entrance of the hospital by the time she'd finally caught up to him. Grabbing his arm, Addison stopped him on the rubber mat in front of the automatic doors. "Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?" she demanded.

"Karev, Addison?" he exploded. "Seriously? _Karev_?"

Addison jerked back, not knowing what to say. Derek made a disgusted sound before turning and walking out of the hospital. The rain outside continued to pelt the ground, and Derek walked until he was out from under the overhang, letting the rain wash over him.

Ignoring the audience their argument had gathered, Addison once again followed him, disregarding the mess the rain was making of her appearance (just out of surgery or not, Addison Montgomery_ always_ looked good). "Whatever happened between Karev and me _over a year ago_ is none of your business, Derek, and you know that," she insisted. "_I_ was the one who had to watch you move on _during_ our marriage. _I _was the one who had to see you with Meredith every day after the divorce. _You_ were the one who constantly threw your happiness in my face." She saw Derek's face break slightly, guilt creeping its way onto it. "So you don't get to be upset with me for whatever I had with Karev. That was _my_ business that I chose to keep private."

"_You_ were the one who broke our marriage," Derek accused, surprising them both. It had been a long time since he'd pulled that card. They both had thought he was beyond that.

The rain created a sheet separating ex-husband and ex-wife as it fell harder and harder. When Addison spoke, it was in a steely soft voice. "_I _was the one who was constantly left alone at parties, constantly stood up on dates. _You_ were the one who slept with someone else when I was trying to _fix_ our marriage." She turned to walk back into the hospital and paused. Without looking at him, she asked over her shoulder, "Why do you care so much?"

Derek's hand froze in his hair, mid-run-through. "What?"

Addison rotated her body so she was facing him once again. Her scrubs were soaked and clung to her body. Her dark red hair matted itself to her head, and a few tendrils curled on her forehead, just above her pale blue eyes that carried so much pain and what Derek could only describe as nostalgia. "Why did it upset you so much that I slept with Alex? It was a year ago, and you have Meredith, anyway."

"Had," Derek corrected.

Her voice was calm now. "What happened?"

"I was in love with someone else," he confessed, looking Addison directly in the eye.

Addison leaned on one leg and put her hand on her hip in exasperation. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, struggling to control the outburst that threatened to explode from her. Taking a deep, calming breath, she returned his gaze. "Who is it this time?"

Before either of them knew what was happening, Derek's lips were on hers. His fingers tangled themselves in her hair, and he felt her hands grasp his forearms softly as she began to kiss him back. It was their first kiss in almost two years, but all those old feelings were still there. Derek wrapped his arms around Addison in a passionate embrace, and his lips never left hers. The rain fell on both their heads, but neither of them minded. Some of their best moments had happened in the rain.

**A/N: I was going to add another scene, but I feel like it was right to end the chapter here. My shoulders are huge hunks of knotted muscle now, thanks to the torture that is AP Lit summer work. Maybe you'll help get out some of the kinks if you **_**review.**_


	3. Coming Undone

The Way I Loved You

A **Grey's Anatomy **fic by Gigi

**Disclaimer: I really own nothing.**

Chapter 3: Coming Undone

**A/N: Alas, my friends, we have reached the end of this story. Have you noticed, this is only the fourth time that has happened for me? I just gave up on a few stories from my first year of writing (2005) and now I'm finishing my fourth story after four years. **_**Any**_**way, it's been sweet, and this was possibly one of my favorite fics to write. I hope you guys enjoy this last chapter!**

"_I was in love with someone else," he confessed, looking Addison directly in the eye._

_Addison leaned on one leg and put her hand on her hip in exasperation. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, struggling to control the outburst that threatened to explode from her. Taking a deep, calming breath, she returned his gaze. "Who is it this time?"_

_Before either of them knew what was happening, Derek's lips were on hers. His fingers tangled themselves in her hair, and he felt her hands grasp his forearms softly as she began to kiss him back. It was their first kiss in almost two years, but all those old feelings were still there. Derek wrapped his arms around Addison in a passionate embrace, and his lips never left hers. The rain fell on both their heads, but neither of them minded. Some of their best moments had happened in the rain._

Almost the same group—except for Derek—that had watched Addison exit the Town Car and enter Seattle Grace for the first time in a year had assembled to watch Addison and Derek duke it out in the courtyard. When Addison began to walk inside, faces fell. They'd expected a bigger finish to such a scene, but—no! She turned around.

"What are they fighting about?" Izzie asked Alex as she walked up to the group.

Alex shot her a guilty look. "Me," he confessed.

Izzie never got the chance to ask anything further about that, because her attention was brought back to the couple in the rain when she heard a collective gasp emit from the group.

Derek was kissing Addison. Derek was _kissing_ Addison. _Derek_ was kissing Addison. Derek was kissing _Addison_.

Derek was kissing Addison?

No matter how she said it in her head, Izzie couldn't quite fathom what she was seeing. What she _could_ fathom was Meredith Grey standing right in front of her, shell-shocked.

**8D**

Addison was completely gone. The second his lips were on hers, all thought flew out the window. When he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush against his body, she could do nothing but tilt her head and deepen the kiss. Okay, she probably _could_ have done something else, but she didn't want to do anything other than keep the kiss going on forever.

She brought her hands up to the nape of his neck, running her fingers through his dark, wavy locks. His tongue slipped into her mouth and made Addison's knees buckle. Fortunately for both of them, Derek was already holding her so tightly that Addison's sudden inability to stand didn't really affect them that much.

And then Addison was back. Her eyes still shut, she used the grip she hand on his hair to pull his face from hers. Breaking the embrace, she looked down at the ground and allowed the rain to separate them once more.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, still avoiding looking at his face. "I can't, Derek."

"Addison," Derek pleaded. He placed a hand on Addison's chin and made her look at him. "Addison, please."

"I'm sorry!" she sobbed. She squeezed shut her eyes and turned her back to him, almost running through the rain to the hospital.

The automatic doors opened for Addison as she approached them, holding the back of her hand up to her nose, trying to stem the flow of emotion that had already begun spilling out. Tears ran freely down her cheeks, and her breathing hitched. Once inside the hospital, Addison glanced up to see the group of people standing there and paused.

Mark and Alex both crumbled on the inside at seeing the despair swimming in Addison's pale blue eyes as she stared at them over her hand. They only saw her eyes for a second, until Addison shut them once again and made for the attendings' locker room. Mark started to go after her when he felt a hand on his elbow.

"I'll go," Callie declared before following her forlorn friend.

**8D**

Addison threw herself at the swinging door to the attendings' locker room, wanting to shut herself away as quickly possible. As soon as she was inside, the sobs began ripping out of her body, and she buried herself in the farthest corner from the door, weeping into her knees.

She couldn't handle this right now. She _had_ a boyfriend, who was sweet, sensible, dependable, good-looking and just overall incredible. But she'd been dreaming of her ex-husband and kissing in the rain so much it was like she was already cheating on Kevin before she even came up to Seattle.

And this time it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare.

Addison went over it and over it in her head, but that only served to make her cry even harder. She had let herself get too close. Again. She had let herself get hurt. Again. Only this time _she_ had been the one who hurt herself.

A hand slid its way across her back and pulled her into a warm, familiar body. Addison buried her face in the long black hair of the ortho resident as Callie rubbed her back and made soothing sounds.

"I just...he just...and then he...and I...but...but I can't....I _can't_...and then there's Kevin...and I...I don't know..." she stammered, unable to even finish a single sentence due to the sobs racking her body.

"Sh..." Callie soothed. "I know. It'll all be okay."

**8D**

Addison stepped off the plane at LAX thoroughly depressed. She hadn't seen Derek since their encounter in the rain, and she left the next day as soon as she could leave Adele. She was surprised to see Kevin standing at baggage claim, waiting for her with a smile on his face.

Addison put on a brave face for him, but his happy expression soon turned into one of concern when he saw her puffy eyes.

"What happened? Are you okay?" he questioned, worry lacing his voice.

Shaking her head, Addison walked past Kevin to get her bags from the carousel. "I don't want to talk about it," she told him. "I would really rather just forget it." Kevin looked like he wanted to press further, but one glance at her face was enough to forestall him. He nodded and took her Louis Vuitton luggage from her.

**8D**

Later that night, Addison lay curled up in the center of her bed, having sent Kevin home an hour earlier. She couldn't handle his kindness just then. She knew he was burning with the need to know what was going on with her, but she also knew that if she told him it would break his heart.

She _knew_ it would break his heart, because that night at dinner, Kevin dropped the L word. Why on earth he felt like that was the right time to tell her, she had no idea, but she couldn't say it back. She just couldn't. So she gave him what she hoped was a convincingly "touched" smile and leant in and kissed him before shoving a forkful of pasta in her mouth.

Burying her face in her pillow, Addison screamed in frustration as loudly as she could. Her screams soon degenerated into more tears, and she cried herself to sleep for the second night in a row.

**8D**

Four days went by, each followed by a night of soaked pillows and salty cheeks. Addison went through her workday mechanically, acting nothing but professional to both patients and coworkers, and aside from a certain lack of chatter, nobody noticed anything wrong with the doctor.

On the fifth day, Addison awoke to the sound of rain pattering against the windowpanes. Groaning, she forced herself out of bed and got dressed. Reaching into her closet, she withdrew an umbrella. Then she froze.

Gazing down at her umbrella, Addison fingered the "Galleria" insignia that lay against the slick, black fabric, but she soon snapped herself out of her daze and grabbed her bag.

**8D**

It was raining in Seattle. Again.

Derek's eyes drooped over dark circles as he began to get ready to leave the hospital after a marathon 72-hour shift. Normally, Derek hated 72-hour shifts, hated the way they sucked any and all energy out of him, but lately he'd volunteered to stay longer and covered other's shifts in the hopes that he would be too busy or too tired to think about what happened five days ago.

He dressed slowly, not wanting to go back to his trailer and hear her yelling at him about trout, see her sitting on the porch steps crying, feel her lying next to him. But he knew he was simply delaying the inevitable and eventually made his way out of the locker room.

Stepping out into the rain, Derek peered at the sky in regret. He'd forgotten his umbrella again. Sighing, he resumed his walk to his car. By the time he reached the parking lot, he was soaking wet, but he was surely not cold enough to be hypothermic.

Then why was he suffering from hallucinations?

The first thing he saw was the black umbrella. Then he saw the gray Prada shoes poking out from underneath it. And the white Burberry trench coat. And the eyes. Always the eyes.

She was leaning against the side of his car, not caring that she was getting her back wet. Derek approached her tentatively, still unsure if he was dreaming or not.

She flashed him a small, amused smile. "You're soaked," she commented.

Her voice did it for him. She was actually there. In person. Standing in front of him.

His mop of brown hair plastered itself to his forehead as he slowly nodded and stepped underneath the umbrella. His eyes never left hers while he took the handle of the umbrella from her gloved hand and let it fall to the ground.

She laughed softly. "Now _I'm_ getting wet," she said. Her dark red bob loosed from its curls and framed her face perfectly.

"I'm sorry," he breathed. Her smile widened when she realized he remembered. He wrapped his arms loosely around her waist.

"Stop it, you're getting me wet."

For the first time in a week, Derek smiled. "You're already soaked," he replied, "so why can't I do this?"

Derek leaned forward and placed a few feather kisses on the corners of Addison's mouth, her cheeks, her chin and her nose before kissing her fully on the mouth.

**A/N: I'm kinda depressed this is over. But what did you think of the ending? Too cheesy? Not cheesy enough? Should I write an epilogue? **_**Review!**_


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